Choose To Be Happy

It may surprise you but happiness is a choice. It is not so much a result of what is happening outside of yourself as it is a result of a decision to be happy. I know this concept may be difficult to understand because commercials are always advertising that if we buy their products or services we will be happier. Songs are telling us that if we just find the right person our days will be filled with never-ending bliss. Magazines are filled with articles telling us that if we get the right job or start the right business we will be happier individuals. Those things can certainly add to our happiness. But it all begins on the internal mental level.

I believe much of our happiness is a result of being a positive person. Similarly unhappiness can result from being a negative person. Negativity causes us to see things as less than we desire them to be. It can cause us to become dissatisfied with life and unhappy. Below are five keys to staying positive and thus being happier.

See the good in a given situation or at least believe in the possibility of good eventually occurring. Many times when things do not go the way we would like, we focus only on the present moment. Take for example, being laid off from a job. People will focus on the fact that they are now unemployed and must look for another job. This means writing a resume, looking through help-wanted ads and going for interviews. Things many of us do not like doing. However, the eventual outcome could be a job paying more money or doing work which is more enjoyable or fulfilling. However, if we focus only on the present circumstance being we lost our job, we cannot see the good opportunities which could result. That can keep us stuck in a place of unhappiness.

Have a learning approach to life. Most of times when things happen that are unpleasant, we become upset or sad. However, if we concentrate on “what did I learn” than we can find value in many disappointments. Let’s look at the previous example of getting laid off. If the event came as a huge shock to us than maybe the lesson is for us to be more aware of what is going on in our company or industry so we are will not be taken by surprise in the future. Maybe we need to build a better or broader network of co-workers or business colleagues who keep us apprised as to what is going on and we can do likewise. Maybe we need to read the company annual reports and trade journals to better understand trends. All of these can be the outcome of having a learning approach.

Practice patience. I love the quote “A delay is not a denial”. When we want something we usually focus on getting it within a short time. In our fast-paced world we think everything should happen immediately, which is not always the case. Impatience can easily lead to unhappiness because the focus is on the fact that we do not have what we want. Having faith that we will eventually get what we desire can help us practice patience, as can being grateful for what we do have.

Understand "the grass is not always greener." This age-old sentiment still has real value today. Thinking other people have things which would make us happy is the fast-track to negative-thinking and unhappiness. All of us have both a foreground of our lives as well as a background. The foreground is what everyone sees. It could be your job, home, the car we drive or the family we have. In the background is what people do not see and that can be very much in line with the foreground or very different from it. Many times, we never really know. As we find joy in our own lives, we stop focusing on what we believe is the joy in the lives of others.

Avoid trying to change other people. People are who they choose to be. Trying to change them into people we want them to be is quick way to become unhappy. This does not mean we should not intervene when someone's health or life is at stake. I am referring to wanting people to change to meet our needs. The next time you are talking to someone about the things you think they should change, honestly ask yourself who will benefit most from the change … you or them?

Following these five keys can lead us to live happier lives. Remember happiness is an inside job, not an outside one. It is result of the way we think.

Donna Satchell, President of STARR Consulting & Training is a speaker, trainer and author. She provides programs in customer service, team-building, time management, public speaking as well as motivational speeches which inspire individuals to live more successful lives. Please visit www.JustGetSerious.com for information about products and services as well as to view videos of Donna’s speeches. Contact her at 770-498-0400 or Donna@JustGetSerious.com.

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