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Be A Better Communications

One of my favorite quotes is by Peak Performance Expert, Tony Robbins, “The way we communicate ultimately determines the quality of our lives.” This quote challenges us to improve our communications skills in order to improve our lives. Whether we are talking with co-workers, managers, business colleagues, family members and friends we can be better communicators. We can do that by being better listeners, being courteous more often and being willing to adjust our own communication style.

Listening is more than just hearing. It involves giving others our undivided attention. Many times we are unable to do that because of many factors. Some of the major ones are: thinking about our response instead of listening, disinterest in what the person is saying, inability to hear clearly due to noisy surroundings and, very often, interrupting the speaker unnecessarily.

When was the last time you had a conversation with someone and did not interrupt them, at least, once? Many of us, including myself, cannot honestly remember such a time. Unless there is a legitimate reason to do so (i.e. they are giving us the wrong information or they have misunderstood us) when we interrupt someone we can unintentionally send the message that what the person saying is insignificant or trivial. That can result in them feeling disrespected and unimportant. We can become better listeners and avoid unnecessary interruptions by:

1. Watching the speaker as well as listening to them, if in their presence.

2. Keeping our mind on what the speaker is saying, instead of what we are planning to say.

3. Making a conscious effort to remember key information that the speaker stated.

4. Holding our comments, opinions or questions until the person speaking is finished.

5. Not doing things while some is talking with us, especially during phone conversations. For example, watching TV, typing, surfing the internet, talking to others who are not on the phone.

A few years ago I attended a presentation given by George Fraser, the author of several books on the value of networking. He talked about the importance of being courteous and using what he considered “the five magic words”. He said if we used them regularly they could dramatically improve the quality of our lives. The words were please, thank you and I’m sorry (or I apologize, whichever you prefer). How often do we use these words? Do we use them with every person we encounter when appropriate to do so. By using these words people are most likely to feel valued and appreciated. That opens the door to the better communications.

We can build a stronger rapport with the people to whom we are speaking by adjusting our communication style. Two variables make up these styles. The first is the pace of our speaking. Is it fast or slower-paced? Generally people who talk fast are also very animated using a lot of free-flowing facial expressions and gestures. Conversely the slower-paced people are more likely to be reserved and more deliberate in their movements and expressions. The second factor is the focus of our speaking. Is it task-focused or relationship-focused? Task-focused people want to get down to business quickly with limited or no small talk. They prefer talking about projects, deadlines and all work-related matters. Relationship-focused people prefer to start a conversation by talking about personal matters and activities. And throughout it they will refer to personal experiences and insights. These two variables result in four categories of people:

1. Slower-paced and task-focused – Analyzers

2. Fast-paced and task-focused – Drivers

3. Fast-paced and relationship-focused – Socializers

4. Slower-paced and relationship-focused – Supporters

By observing and listening to someone we can determine to what category they most likely belong. We can use that information to determine what we talk about at the start of a conversation, what we focus on during the conversation, how we present information and the pace at which we speak. This can help us better connect with the person to whom we are having a conversation and thus build a stronger rapport.

By being better listeners, being courteous more often and adjusting our communication style to that of the person to whom we are speaking, we can become better communicators. Remember the words of Tony Robbins: “The way we communicate ultimately determines the quality of our lives.”

For more tips on being a better communicator, purchase 303 Solutions for Communicating Effectively & Getting Results.

Donna Satchell, President of STARR Consulting & Training is a speaker, trainer and author. She provides programs in customer service, team-building, time management, public speaking as well as motivational speeches which inspire individuals to live more successful lives. Please visit www.JustGetSerious.com for information about products and services as well as to view videos of Donna’s speeches. Contact her at 770-498-0400 or Donna@JustGetSerious.com.

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