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Happiness

Happiness is not a matter of events. It depends upon the tides of the mind.

- Alice Meynell -

You have probably heard it before, but happiness is a choice. It is not so much a result of circumstances beyond your control as it is a conscious decision to be happy.
This concept may be difficult to understand because commercials are always advertising that if we buy certain products or services, we will be happier. Songs are telling us that if we just find the right person, our days will be filled with endless bliss. Magazines are filled with articles explaining how, if we get the right job or start the right business, we can be happier individuals. While these things can certainly add to our feelings of well-being, happiness actually begins with our internal state of mind.

I believe much of our happiness is a result of being a positive person. Similarly, unhappiness is a result of being a negative person. Negativity causes us to constantly see the circumstances in our lives as less than we desire them to be. This can cause us to become dissatisfied and miserable. Below are three ideas you can use to stay positive and, thus, be happier.

See the good in a given situation or, at least, believe in the possibility of good eventually occurring. Many times when things do not go the way we would like, we focus only on the present moment.

For example, let's consider the situation of being laid off from work. Many people get and stay upset as they focus only on the fact that they are now unemployed and must look for another job. This means writing a resume, applying for jobs online, looking through the help-wanted ads, going for interviews, and other activities which many of us do not like doing. However, the eventual outcome could be finding a job that pays more money or doing work that is more enjoyable or fulfilling than the previous job. If we only focus on the present circumstance of being laid off, we will not consider that a better situation may be the result. This lack of forethought can cause us to easily get stuck in a place of inaction and unhappiness.

2. Realize "the grass is not always greener." This age-old sentiment still has real value today. Thinkingother people have things which would make us happy is the fast-track to discontent.

It is important to understand that all of us have both a "foreground" as well as a "background" to our lives. The foreground is what everyone sees. It could be your job, business, home, car, family, etc. The foreground is also the impression people have of what they think your life is like.

The background is what your life is really like. It is what people usually do not fully see or understand. This can either be in line with what people think or very different from it. I believe most of the time our impressions about others are farther away from the truth than we can imagine. Whether they are or not, our time would be better spent finding and creating joy in our own lives than focusing on the lives of others in a comparative manner.

3. Practice patience. I love the quote "A delay is not a denial". When we want something, we usually think we should have it within a short time. In our fast-paced world, we have come to feel that everything should happen immediately. This is usually not the case. Impatience can easily lead to unhappiness because the focus is on what we do not have. Instead let's appreciate on what we do have, continue to work for what we want, and believe that we will eventually get what we desire or possibly something even better. That's practicing practice.

4. Have a learning approach to life. Most of the time when things happen that are unpleasant, we become upset or sad. However, if we concentrate on “what did I learn from this situation” then we can find value in many disappointments. Let’s look at the previous example of getting laid off. If the event came as a huge shock to us, then maybe the lesson is for us to be more aware of what is going on in our company or industry, so we will not be taken by surprise in the future. Maybe we need to build a better or broader network of co-workers or business colleagues who keep us apprised as to what is happening in the workplace. Maybe we need to read the company’s annual reports and trade journals to better understand business trends. Any of these possibilities could be the outcome of having a learning approach to the disappointing circumstances in your life.

Incorporate these four ideas into your daily thinking and you can a happier life. Remember happiness is an inside job not an outside one. It is result of the way we think.

Donna Satchell, President of STARR Consulting & Training is a speaker, trainer and author. She provides programs in customer service, team-building, time management, public speaking as well as motivational speeches which inspire individuals to live more successful lives. Please visit www.JustGetSerious.com for information about products and services as well as to view videos of Donna’s speeches. Contact her at 770-498-0400 or Donna@JustGetSerious.com.

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